Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Visit


My cousins from Belgium were here for a visit. The two of them are on the far left of the photo. They did research and were able to find my cousin Claude in France. He connnected us and they decided to come to California for a visit. It was wonderful.

We discovered similarities that were startling. The same family message, personalities of blood relatives and no knowledge of each other's existence.

We discussed the two secrets that shaped the family and their off-spring for 3 generations. As my Belgian cousins and I are of the fourth generation, we have all made a conscience choice of shedding these secrets in order to move forward. As my children are the 5th generation, the secrets are laughed at and met with "you're kidding, right?" They no longer hold power over them.

These secrets, I now understand, are what prompted my father to leave his beloved France and come the U.S. to be able to REDEFINE himself. But he was really unable to achieve that end. His personal freedom was always just beyond his reach. (another blog on that later)

The secrets were of their time, of the European culture. The events had shattering results on the focus of each sibling of the Michel Family.

The first secret: The family fortune was gambled away. They were known as upper class, quite wealthy, and traveled by a private TRAIN to transport them from city to city. Think private airplane in today's world.

All six children were in University, grand houses were owned and servants to care for their worldly needs. The uncle in charge of the family fortune loves to gamble and loses it ALL gambling! ALL... Every red cent.... university studies interrupted, houses and property sold, no more private trains, and a loss of social stature. The shame of being poor invades their psyches and creates a hungry, unrelenting desire to recapture this lost fortune. It creates siblings with strong controlling personalities to rule over their spouses and children to drive them to back to wealth.

The nature of the fortune is unconfirmed but the diamond trade is suspect as they had homes in Antwerp and Brussels. Which leads us to the second secret: they were Jewish.

Jewish? The need to hide this fact was the way life was lived in the late 19th early 20th century in Europe. Secrets weild power and eventual destruction of it's keepers. In this case, it created a horrible scism between two of the brothers that ended in the suicide of one on the birthday of the other.

The siblings began to marry into the Catholic community. One brother opened a funeral home (still operating), one brother began a theater troop and bought and sold Belgian lace, one sister took care of the aging parents, another sister (my grandmother) married a super intelligent liberal. Two brothers immigrated to France. One of whom gave birth to a ner'do'well who would abandon two wives and three children. And one just disappeared off the face of the earth.

The call of the family was "never gamble". My father was very clear on the need for low risk investment of his money. Don't buy real estate, not a good investment. Take forever to decide on the risk factor of how you use your money, etc. etc. etc. you get the picture. He never, ever shared the fact we were of Jewish descent until I turned 34.

My father had regular correspondence with his uncle and cousins. My aunt visited with
these same cousins in the south of France, where one owned a home. BUT....

MY FATHER NEVER LET THEM KNOW HE HAD A FAMILY OF THREE DAUGHTERS.

Funny enough, my cousins parents never let them know we existed. Just a passing reference to an cousin (meaning my father) who lived in the U.S.

So these many years later, here we are. Geting to know each other, laughing and comparing notes. There is more to write about, so stay tuned.





Thursday, July 16, 2009

Skyping with Family

Michele and Nathalie (from Brussels) did all the genealogy research and found my cousin Claude in Versailles, France. He, in turn, sent them my information way out here in Los Angeles, Ca. USA.

During their visit here we planned to Skype to cousin Claude in France. They are both only daughters, Claude is an only child, and we are an isolated branch of the family in LA. Thus the motivation to meet and bond and compare notes.

We planned the Skype hour to "reach out and touch" each other across the globe.

But before I get too enthused about the whole Skype deal, I remember that every time I try to Skype with visual, something goes wrong. The picture is fuzzy, the delays monumental and the dropped calls frequent to the point we give up and switch to ATT voice.

Those calls always remind me of the scene in the movie "Mother" by Al Brooks. They are using the first generation of a "picture phone." She can't seem to "stay in the picture" and the other end keeps telling her to go right and left, which of course is reversed. Hysterical scene that could only have been plucked from the wild imagination of Al Brooks. And now reality catches up with fantasy!

Claude is on my MAC screen, but I can't hear him. He can hear me, but can't see me. We go back and forth for some moments then just hang up. Claude calls me with France Telecom and bingo! no problem. We hear him loud and clear.

But it's a bad day for Claude. As his hips are degenerating he is in pain. His Dr. has let him know that his particular form of hip problem is normally only seen in the descendants of the Vikings! So he is no longer Jewish, but a Viking.

And I thought only LA was filled with re-inventors.

Stay tuned.......

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Texting with the Belgian Cousins

Michelle and Nathalie are progressing down the California coastline. We are keeping in touch via a "go phone" they purchased on arrival at San Fran airport. What we discovered is texting is far easier than trying to talk to each other.

They are in a relaxed, zen state due to their Belgian gov't policy of 5 weeks a year vacation. So they are meandering down Highway 1, hitting Monterey, Santa Cruz and Carmel. Time is not of the essence.

I, on the other hand, am caught up with D#1 and D#2. Both have colds with sore throats, grumpiness and expectations that I will wait on them hand and foot. Of course, once they are well my roll will be relegated back to chauffeur and ATM.

So texting is the way to go. As I was reviewing the thread, it occurred to me that I was texting in French (very eroded skills) and they are using English. The thread was pretty funny, so I decided to transcript it letter for letter so we can all see why foreign language skills are so key to that which gives our lives meaning.

Me: Pt. Lobos State Reserve. Juste sud de Carmel sur la route 1. Highway 1. Bonne journee. ( second line means: just south of Carmel.)

Them: "C'est la que je voulais aller justememt! Bonne journee et merci!" Translation: that is were a was intending to go. Good day and thanks.

Me: "Demande la ville comment suivre la route "1". I'll y a des carts pars toutes." Translation: ask the town how to follow route 1. I"ll there are postcards in all parts.

Me: "I meant to write "maps". Try the visitors bureau in carmel or any hotel."

Them: "We already have maps, no trouble to get to point lobos."

Them: "We're watching the birds fly Pt. Lobos over the sea. We're having a great day."
(That's a first!)

M: "Supere. It's so beautiful!" Translation: super dad.

Them: "Still hot weather in LA?"

Me: "La temperature va etre tres chaud. Vers les 94C. Translation: The temperature will be very hot. Around 201 degrees!"

Did I mention that Michelle is a French grammar teacher?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Can't hear myself think!

I never thought of my house as a party house. Neither does my husband. We like to have friends over for dinner al fresco, and an early bedtime. But it seems we have bred a "event planner".

Seems our D#1 is the "go to" person for throwing her friends a party. Be it a kickback or birthday bash, she seems to be the one who organizes it. So here I am, on a Saturday night, sitting on my bed, blogging with EAR PLUGS as D#1 has thrown another party.

Last time she threw a "little party" the list included 60 people and a facebook rsvp. We said NO! She fought a valiant fight and sulked for days after agreeing to only 40 even though "that is so lame." Then 60 showed up! Seems texting is the new invite.

She was overwhelmed and then swung into action. She got tough with those she did not know and asked them to leave. She confiscated the sneake-in beer and got us to patrol the driveway for the "unwanted texting crashers."

She learned her lesson. She agreed the plan was faulty.

This time we held firm on 40. She agreed with little fuss. D#1 got her friends to agree NOT to text about the party, 4 guy friends agreed to play bouncers and everyone donated to the kitty for food and drink.

So my house is turned upsidedown one more time. All the furniture has been moved out of the den and signs posted everywhere stating NO SMOKING or you PAY A FINE. The DJ has the music throbbing and playing the all sorts of weird tunes. I hear them dancing and hooting and hollaring.

Did I mention when the MJ tune Billie Jean played I danced in my room and shook my tired old booty as virgously as I used to as "Queen of the Disco!" I ain't dead yet.

Thanks D#1 for the fun. I can sleep when I'm dead.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Belgium Cousins

Just got a call from Michelle and Nathalie. They arrived in San Francisco safe and sound, are sleepy and looking for a great restaurant to eat at. Any suggestions?

Dinner - What's it going to be tonight?

A new mother and friend sent me this question. I thought I would post the answer.

Since you've been so great about offering sanity....a practical question:

How often did you hit the store when your girls were little? And far in advance did you plan menus?

I'd like to plan a week out. But I wonder if that's not smart when it comes to meat and produce.

And yes, I could take the kids with me to the store, have already done that. But it's so easy to run up a bill that way, and I'm watching my pennies after six months of my folks living with me.

Write back whenev....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you can solve the "How to shop with two small kids and keep your sanity" issue you will make a fortune. There are pages & pages of "quick and easy shopping tips," from every woman who found herself in the same situation. There are blogs, magazines, radio shows, TV shows devoted to the topic and insane asylums filled with perfectionist moms who failed."

If you go through the KCRW "Good Food" archives (use my name as keyword) you will find the segment I did on "rip n' pour". The best of packaged/frozen food for next to nothing.

I tried to plan, but something always got in the way. So I decided to have some staples on hand at all times to be able to "throw something" together.

I kept soups and thick french/rustic/paisano bread. If I could not get to anything else kids got soup and bread. Rich thick soups with a handful of rice thrown in. In addition, I picked up roast chickens. I would buy two and eat the second one cold or cut it up in the soup or throw some in a salad. Kids loved it.

Veggies are great fresh in the summer, but winter means frozen fresh. Most time I put all them in soups so no one can identify the "yucky" stuff.

To control costs try and find the smaller stores that don't buy prepackaged fresh fruit and veggies. The food is priced for less, ripe, thus ready to eat.

Price difference:

Whole Foods avocados were hard as rocks: $5.99 a pound
Olive Fresh Garden Market: ripe, ready to eat, $2.99 a pound.

You can't be all things to all people and cooking is always optional. Remember Julia Child did not have children!

Laurelle

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

FOUND FAMILY!!!

My family has found me. They found me through concerted effort, followed the ramblings of a senile grandmother and located my 1st cousin in Paris who then let them know about the "american" cousins in Los Angeles.

Michelle and Nathalie (mother and daughter respectively) are only children and direct descendants of my grandmother's younger brother. Got that? My grandmother was born in 1878 and gave birth to my father in 1907. Herman, the younger brother, was born in 1887 , daughter Giselle was born in 1925, gave birth to Michelle in 1953. I can give you the ages of all other descendants and a trend emerges: no one gives birth early in life. Remember that in the 1900's women gave birth multiple times by age 20. My grandmother was 29! Giselle was 28! My father was 45, 47 and 50. I was 38.5 and 41.75 respectively with my two girls.

We are adventurous at heart and deed, intensely curious about all aspects of life and great travelers.

I have never met them, they have never met me. So meeting family who are perfect strangers will be a new adventure for me and them. They are staying with friends of mine who have graciously agreed to host them. I am throwing a dinner with friends who knew my father and my family while growing up in LA. The French Chef I hired for the occasion is an old family friend who knew us quite well.

So stay posted as I will be blogging on the experience and discovery of common traits, mannerisms, etc. We already look alike to the rest will be up for exploration.

Laurelle